Wednesday, September 30, 2009

They don't make 'em like they used to

Topiary has been trying unsuccessfully to buy a pencil sharpener, off and on, for a few years.

Went to a few stores when she remembered. Wal-Mart was out of them. Target didn't carry them. Office Depot wanted $34 for one.

So Cow resolved to just check online and get one from Amazon.
All she can say is pencil sharpeners have sure changed.


Thursday, September 24, 2009


Topiary now buying a metal detector and searching the backyard.

Apparently saying the magic word "gold" makes it all happen. Unfortunately no Saxons lived in this neighborhood, so Topiary is relying on magic.

Beep beep de beep beep boop! Detectors at ready!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


Sons of Anarchy ran a new episode last night, causing Cow to examine this concept of "Integrity" which is so integral to the characters.

Adherence to moral and ethical principles; honesty, says the dictionary.

Such as, not torturing prisoners. Such as, not using public office to steal. Such as, not being willing to do anything for money. Such as, respecting one's marriage vows.

The funny thing is Cow doesn't get cable, through a combination of boycott of the company and just general dislike of having those bills come in the mail. So Cow trundles down to the gym which has a full cable package (thank you Club!) and watches it there. While exercising.

If that's not integrity, what is?


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Talk like a Pirate Day

Cow missed International Talk Like a Pirate Day, as apparently did Linda in Australia and RJ, who was on the golf course.

So there's a website. And a book. And families who try to live like pirates, or maybe just talk like them, for a year.

Cow would like the cruising the Carribbean part of being a pirate. Cow would like the don't mess with me or I will slit your throat part. As well as the fast ships, living by your wits, and piles of gold.

But argh, matey, wouldn't want a hook for a hand.


Monday, September 21, 2009

Not a potato after all

After ignoring the graphic on Google's search page most of the day, Cow finally gave in and clicked on it, learning that it is to commemorate H.G.Wells' birthday.

Strangely enough, "The War of the Worlds" was just moved to the book recycle bin yesterday in Topiary's attempt to de-clutter the bookcase. Not that it isn't a good book. Just a trifle dated. And the forward by Isaac Asimov explaining the social context of the story...boring is being kind.

Probably Orson Welles' production will never be topped. Recommendation: listen to the radio broadcast instead of reading the book.


Sunday, September 20, 2009

Past Creating

So a good friend's 17-year-old daughter is pregnant. These folks are extremely devout. Attending church only two or three times a week would be an exception. Friend of course is devastated.

And Cow is left wondering why religions have so much difficulty with the concept of birth control. While the earth staggers under billions of humans, and every other species struggles to survive, religious groups keep trusting in the Lord to keep kids from breeding. Which doesn't seem to work.

Cow understands the idea that to religions, sex is bad, therefore, sex is punishable by forcing people to get married (maybe) and have the unplanned-for child (for sure). And that to religions, condoning birth control means condoning sex.

Cow just wishes that of all the issues in the world, the church could adopt another one.


Friday, September 18, 2009


The appeal of "Sons of Anarchy" is probably greater the less power one has in real life.

Wouldn't it be great to belong to a group that nobody messed with. That people respected and feared. That would kick butt should anybody disrespect them.

There's this guy at work. Hateful man. Of course despite his sliminess and utter despicability, asked small Cow on a date the minute he started working here. Cow was at the photocopier and believe, dear readers, she did NOT invite his so-unwelcome attention in any way at all.

Now if the guy sees Cow anywhere at the office he heads right for her to jostle her arm or walk within inches of her, glaring at her all the time. Trying by his so-overweight ugliness, to physically intimidate. He did this yesterday, practically running down a ramp in order to cut off Cow as she walked in the parking lot. Oh how Cow wished she'd had a sharp pointy object handy, to defend her "personal space."

Had Cow been a member of a respected motorcycle club, she or they would have taught the guy some respect for ladies and maybe trashed his so-ugly car too.

Darn. Real life stinks sometimes.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

"Order is economy of time and money; it allows us to give a better quality and greater quantity of results in both our material and intellectual labors because with it, we take full advantage of time, avoiding dawdling, delay, and doubt. Disorder is the dissipation of time and talent, the ruin of all the advantages of organization."

Oh dear. Cow did not have the advantage of growing up reading The Catholic Manual of Civility but someone helpfully posted it.

Cow wonders if people are trained to be orderly, or born to be messy. Cow does make sporadic efforts to clean and organize, but they just don't last. In seems a struggle against her nature, to keep things clean.

Is Mess inborn, inculated during gestation because of Mom eating too many cookies, perhaps? Can one successfully train oneself to be orderly?

Picture courtesy of Cultural Manual of Civility.

Friday, September 11, 2009


Striking while the iron is hot. Seizing the moment. Not letting Topiary grow under one's feet.

Cow found herself repeating these aphorisms as she....moved with alacrity and a plastic spoon to quickly scoop a new deposit from box into several layers of plastic bags.

When one sees that one's pet has a problem, there must be action, no pausing for reflection, or the only thing left for the vet to analyze would be clay kitty litter.

Small triumphs, indeed. But one must seize one's triumphs as they come.


Thursday, September 10, 2009

Cool Actor Bits

Was watching "The Undeclared"which didn't star Charlie Hunnam but should have. When there is somebody really talented on a series and instead of giving him the lead instead they feature way too much of a charmless untalented guy with the belief that everyman will identify with him, they shouldn't wonder why they get cancelled.

Cow thinks it's a shame that just cause a guy is good-looking his talent is ignored.

The DVD includes an interview where Charlie Hunnam and another actor briefly exit the stage and return having swapped jackets. And nobody noticed!

An episode in college where the professor lectures about Existentialism, causing the actor to question his existence, break down into tears, give up wearing clothes and instead wrap himself in a blanket and slug people for no reason while carrying his copy of "Being and Nothingness." It was hilarious. But is there one comment about this great performance on the audio commentary? No.

This leads to Cow's Theme Of The Day. Audio commentaries should include a fan who is really into the show, who will say "wow-this part is great, why did you do that?" instead of some director who drones on about the panaflex.

Cow, of course, volunteers to be the rabid fan on an audio commentary.


Thursday, September 03, 2009

Cell Phone Police

Cow was at the gym yesterday on the elliptical, next to a guy in an orange t-shirt, which alone should have had him arrested.

These ellipticals are very nice machines, equipped with individual tv screens with a choice of over 100 channels, and a book area, in which Orange Shirt had a book. Was he watching tv, or reading his book, you ask? But, no. He was Talking on His Cell Phone. Loudly. Continually. On and on.

Despite the signs on the wall with the red slash through the picture of the cell phone.

Cow doesn't want to hear his phone call, which of course drowns out her own tv-noise through headphones. She did wait a while.

Cow sashayed over to the counter and pointed out his orange-shirted inconsiderateness to the Gym Guy. Can you tell him to stop talking on his cell phone, she asked. Gym Guy announced through the system: "Attention Members, there is no cell phone use allowed." Announced it twice, he did.

Orange shirt, because he was on his cell phone, of course didn't hear it. Kept right on talking.

Cow got more and more pissed. Went up to the desk again. Gym Lady said "Can't YOU move to another machine?" Oh right. He's breaking the rules and bothering everyone, and Cow should move? Nope. Luckily Gym Guy was made of sterner stuff; went up to Orange Shirt, after which he hung up. After 20 minutes of talking.

Ha! Chalk up one victory for this anonymous member of the Cell Phone Police. And no, Orange Shirt was NOT discussing a cancer diagnosis with his doctor, planning the long-overdue revolution of the proletariat against the oppressors or even scheming to further the noble cause of Topiary World Domination. How can Cow be sure? Why, because she had to listen to every word of his stupid, boring conversation, naturally.

Victorious Moo!

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

A one and a two...

After reading an article that finds the fatter you are the more your brain shrinks, or maybe the smaller your brain is the fatter you will become, but leaving cause and effect aside, Cow re-doubled her gym efforts.

There IS something about lifting weights that makes you feel good. Last night Cow's eyes were drawn to a couple cute guys in the weight area. And noticed that guys seem to lift weights with a totally different philosophy than ladies.

Cow is like, 3 sets of 10 on this, next machine, next, next, outta there. Whereas these guys would lift a weight a few times. Then put it back, and stand around. Chat beside the barbell, adjust their shirts, and then lift a little more. Then trade places, chat some more, get some water, and then do a few more lifts. And adjust something, then do a few more.

By the time Cow had finished fluffing her Topiary on the quick run of cardio, the guys were still on that one barbell. Like, 40 minutes.

Don't know which way is better. They DID seem to be in good shape. But there goes your entire evening, doing weights the "guy" way.