Topiary World Domination

Topiary leafily apologizes for her absence...you see, the sacred cause of Topiary World Domination has needed extensive attention, what with all the Direct Action Plans, Rehearsals for the Real Thing, plotting, sub-plotting, devious intra-plotting, and deciding costuming for all.

Added to that the engrossing new pastime of learning to skateboard, and the blog has been neglected...and may be...apologies to all, and a good Topiary night!

Moo!

The Other Side

Cow will set her post-graduate education and professional credentials up against anyone. Not so her salary, which has been a sad casualty of Cow's lack of specialization.

Venturing across the interstate freeway to the land where every parking lot has a fountain, landscaping and winding pathways, Topiary starts feeling shorter, less well-dressed, and definitely worse-groomed. Her car all of a sudden seems older, and her clothes much too wrinkly.

In the land of lattes and full-priced books, Lexus and manicures and million-dollar mansions, where everyone is tall, slender and wears brand-name shoes, Topiary can take solace in the fact that she has, after all, big bucks to spend.

Only in the Fantasy Stock Market where weblogs are the companies. But hey.

Moo!

Little Ashes Review

Beautifully evocative of the 1920's, a gorgeous film replete with tailored clothes, period cars, and location shooting. A talented cast and poetic script make this a sensuous journey to another age and culture.

Although the film focuses more on the poet Lorca than Dali, it perfectly captures the free-wheeling artistic milieu and the fervor of young artists finding themselves, creating environments with words, paint, costumes to express who they are.

Recommended for a dreamy night spent in another time, another country, being other people.

Bah relief

Still unanswered is one of those Christmas card letters from a dear friend.

Which details, her former job as Consultant to important government thingies, her new job as Deputy Executive Director with an important place on Capitol Hill, mention of previous years of experience, and speaking out and writing about important causes.

The words "leverage", "experience" "implications" and "fiscal policies" feature in that paragraph. Briefly mentioned were volunteer efforts with a Foundation, and a Council. And also the Yoga classes taken 4 days a week for an intense workout over the last year.

Cow confesses she does no volunteer work at all unless somebody wants to count feeding and occasionally providing homes for critters. The last time Cow had an intense workout was when her monitor died and she had to swap it for another one. She doesn't think she has any leverage whatsoever and doesn't know the fiscal implications of anything except recklessly ordering another un-needed DVD from Amazon.

Back to obsessively looking up Banksy images, which seem fiscal-policy free.

Moo!

Obsessions

Idly, Cow wonders what it would be like to--not-- be obsessive. To read a book and not go on to read everything else by that author. To like a movie and not watch everything the director did before that. To like an actor and not watch all his interviews, and other movies, and then read the blogs about him.

The lack of in-depth digging of most people is seems so limiting. But they sure have a lot of time to do things like clean house, or iron clothes.

If only this obsession carried over for work-- to learn all these new programs, and statistical software packages, and databases. Darn.

(Now back to obsessively trimming every Topiary in sight, and at the same time, reading everything there is to find on Banksy, the obsession of the moment).

Moo!

Radar Love

There were so many storms, and so much red stuff heading her way, Topiary gave up and just sat inside the storm shelter for most of the evening.

Along with a kerosene lantern, a good book, and the noise of the storm, Topiary pondered this intense question:

If the house were to blow away, what would she be most thankful to have packed in the storm shelter?

Answer: A bra.

Yes, the photos, books, changes of clothes, flashlight and extra batteries...but still. Anyone who has come home after a long day at work and gotten into her "comfy" clothes, which do not involve tight undergarments, but then had to run to a storm shelter, will agree that the horror of facing a day with things bouncing, unrestrained, would be too much to bear.

Moo!

Rumble, rumble

Rumble rumble rumble.

Is it the neighbor's truck? Or an approaching thunderstorm, tornado, or what have you?

What the heck is it with people making their vehicles so loud? And you'd think it was a race car when you start hearing it, and when it arrives, it's just a piece of crap standard Explorer or some other crap SUV.

Wish they would go away and be replaced by quiet, inoffensive vehicles.

Ooops, it is thunder. Outta here!

Fabric of Society

Cow's been through some disasters. First the Los Angeles riots after Rodney King. Amazing how quickly an entire metro area can become a ghost town, everyone holed up watching the looters on tv. All businesses closed, no one outside at all. Fear was the operative word, with disbelief at the LAPD second.

Next was Hurricane Katrina. When the National Guard rolled into town after about 5 days, lines for their supplies, and others, were orderly. Meeting up with someone was the only way to know anything since mostly, the phones were down, and of course no electric. Operative words were gas, water, digging out, and long, long time.

The line which separates an orderly society from one which disintegrates seems very fragile. Despite this age of internet, without power, or cell phone towers, they will be useless.

Wondering why aid isn't getting to needed areas quicker, these photos really explain it best.

These folks helped the animals after Katrina

Cow just passing this along...these folks came here after Katrina and she can vouch for them...

"The devastation in Haiti is unlike anything we have seen in recent years. People all around the world have bonded together to raise millions of dollars in relief aid for the traumatized people of the island.

But among the rubble, there are likely thousands of frightened, wounded, hungry, and thirsty animals. That’s why we are asking you, our members and friends, for a special emergency gift to provide relief for Haiti’s animals.

Best Friends, along with other international animal welfare organizations, has joined the Animal Relief Coalition for Haiti. Together, we’ll be providing food, water, rabies vaccinations, safety and more for countless animals.

Thank you for speaking up and saying you want to help, thank you for your compassion, and thank you for helping the city of Port-au-Prince during this difficult time."

What might have been

Very glad to see all these relief workers arriving in Haiti. The Chinese especially sent a large delegation, and you know they are experienced dealing with earthquakes in densely-populated areas.

Can't help wondering, as a survivor of Hurricane Katrina, how much different the suffering and outcome of that disaster could have been had we been afforded some of the same kind of help that is hastening towards Haiti, instead of what we got: President Bush flying over in his executive jet and his cronies making insincere speeches while sending little help.

Cow glad to see President Obama's encouraging speech and his putting his muscle behind getting resources to them. Victims of disasters should be helped and glad to see these nations coming in.

Moo!

Hoping for Day Five

Cow has been able to spend most of this glorious week at home. YES!

Because of extreme cold (which the South is unprepared for) most of the water mains in the city broke, leaving the area without potable water, and without the means to flush toilets, shower, or, of course, water any needy Topiary.

While Topiary feels sad for these unprepared folks waiting in lines for giveaways of water, she is secretly kicking her heels for joy because all offices were closed and Topiary was given so far four days off!

This is not as bad as Katrina because luckily, the electric power has remained on. But with the National Guard called in to dispense water from tanker trucks, a lot still seems the same.

Hoping all readers in the Topiary Universe have made it through this cold weather without incidents!

Moo!

Enchanting postcards from England are arriving, the latest a decorative one from the National Railway Museum in York...why, it appears some young man may have an interest in trains!

Yes, there is MUCH to be said for enjoying someone else's holiday...no packing...no airport queuing...much cheaper...no map-reading...no taxi-cabs...no lost Topiary.

Topiary is very much enjoying Linda's travels, and thanks her for the charming postcards!

Flattened Topiary ahead

"The frequency of downpours and heat waves, as well as the power of hurricanes, has increased so dramatically that "100-year storms" are striking some areas once every 15 years, and other once rare events keep returning...Rising temperatures boost the probability of extreme weather."

Just one of many articles explaining how global warming increases extreme weather: cold areas become colder, hot areas become hotter, and storms everywhere become more intense.

Whether this will spread worldwide to affect kitchens in Helminthdale is yet undetermined. In the meantime, what can we do except huddle together in this lifeboat, at the mercy of the powers that be?

Moo!

Warm and Fuzzy Post

For certain non-Topiary readers who may be huddled next to space heaters, Topiary is providing this photo to warm them up.

What? It's not working?

Okay, this quick research may help.

The biggest-grossing movies of all time: Titanic, with a palty 953 parodies posted on YouTube; Dark Knight, 3600 parodies; Transformers, 3,180 parodies.

And then there's Twilight with an amazing 11,200 parodies. What does this tell us? Why, that Twilight fans either have better senses of humor or more access to video editing than other moovie fans. Or maybe just more energy.

Doesn't that warm your heart?

Wintry moo!

Twilight Parodies, or the Hamburger Italian Job

Gotta say, a lot of people have FAR too much time on their hands...

Bella: "You're impossibly fast; your skin is ice cold; you don't go out in sunlight--I KNOW what you are!"
Edward: "Say it. Out loud. Say it!"
Bella: "Vampire!"

or add cheesy accordian music, amateur actors, and redo:

"Mermaid!"
"Crackhead!"
"Gay!"
"Santa Claus!"
"Spider Man!"
"Topiary!"

Gotta admit the parody where Bella is played by a cheeseburger is also delicious, as is the Italian parody.