Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Just what are you promoting?

So, I'm an undead Billionaire, married, and I'm going to pick up waitresses who are lucky to clear a couple hundred a day, and think that the pleasure of my company will prevent them selling their stories.

And, I'm a waitress, or hostess, or all-around pretty girl, and when the story of my affair (non-exclusive, it turns out) hits, I can drop a dime to Celebrity Lawyer Gloria Allred, and she will take me to dinner at Spago in her nice Mercedes and give cookies to the paparazzi waiting outside the door.

So, what does all this mean for Topiary? Well, in between stories from the girlfriends who say, bitterly, "Tiger never gave me ANYTHING!" and local shopkeeps who assert "Tiger is a cheapskate and tips badly" Cow has decided to no longer support Nike.

Yeah, they only gave him $60 million a year or so to wear their corporate logo, not like they owned the guy. But between seeing the million-dollar Nike manager's home used in the filming of Twilight, and the knowledge that they spent their money on a miserly cheaper who doesn't even tip the people around him, Cow will never consider buying Nike again. Rotters.

Moo!

7 Comments:

Blogger meno said...

He does tip the waitress's, but only with the tip of his....

Oh, never mind.

9:09 AM  
Blogger Lulu LaBonne said...

Yeah - me neither supporting Nike

*whispers* I don't get branded stuff for many reasons

But that's not the point!

10:35 AM  
Blogger HEATHER said...

I haven't supported Nike in years due to their "slave-labor" practices. Well, they're not exactly slaves, but they might as well be since they make fifteen cents per day making the shoes, that sell for hundreds.

10:39 AM  
Blogger Karen ^..^ said...

I've boycotted NIKE since the sweat shop days... Then if I hadnt already boycotted, I would have when they gave a contract to Michael Vick. I'm currently boycotting the NFL over that one. All those poor, poor dogs.

Now, yes, I'd boycott again due to this.

I'll never buy anything NIKE related again. Ever.

11:38 AM  
Blogger The Topiary Cow said...

Meno: ha! well I somehow don't think they appreciated that so much as a little bling...

Lulu: *whisper* Topiary usually buys on price alone, too...

This is much more sensible!

Heather: yes, indeed. We do not want to exploit other countries just because they need the jobs. In fact, if people don't mind paying a hundred bucks for shoes made for Nike in Malaysia, maybe they wouldn't mind paying two hundred for shoes made in the US.

Karen: (quickly googling) it appears that Vick is NOT endorsed by Nike at the present (his agent said they were and Nike denied it). However, still not supporting their shoes...because they are way overpriced to be able to pay these already overpaid sports guys millions a year just to wear their stuff.

Stupid.

Moo!

1:10 PM  
Blogger Gorilla Bananas said...

How long before Nike boycott Tiger, Ms Cow?

1:31 PM  
Blogger The Topiary Cow said...

Gorilla: that is an astute question.

One for which the Topiary Cow must consult the Great Topiary Seer.

(shakea-shakea-boop)

"The answer lies in the stars"


Ah. Another helpful answer. Kinda like the ones Cow received on investments, new job-old job dilemmas, etc.

Moo!

6:43 AM  

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