Charmed at the MALL...dum dum dee!

Topiary has successfully avoided the mall since 2005, and thanks the internet daily for mail-order.

The Mall has maximized their sales footage by adding cute carts o' stuff in the aisles, to avoid your having to even enter a store at all.

That day, 2005, forever engraved on her memory: Cow in mall, rustling by a cute cart o' stuff--a Beautiful Man (BM) looks up and down Topiary, and asks with a resonant, charming rumble and hundred-watt smile: "May I ask you a question?"

Cow, slowing her steps despite knowing he's a salesman, Charmed by his Beauty and flattered that of all the people in the Mall, Topiary is the one Chosen to be Asked A Question: "Yes?" "May I see your hands?" BM avails himself of both Topiary hands. "Your cuticles--do you wash your hands too often?" with concern, as he turns to his cart filled with Beautiful Lotions. A plain-jane saleslady glowers in the background. She is Not the Recipient of this Special Attention. Cow Is.

Cow feels more and more Special, more and more Charmed as the BM selects a Special Product for Cow's Cuticles. The hand is still held. BM natters on (he has a slight foreign accent) how he is here to attend college, working his way through, you understand. Cow Understands. And is Charmed, flattered that She Is Chosen to Listen.

Cow's credit card is run, but a slight pause...BM says (even more charmingly) "I'd like to keep this card." Smiling, joking, Cow is Charmed that she has been Included in his struggling-through school, yet-smiling Life. Another slight pause, and Cow is Charmed into buying an additional Lotion. Intimate smiles, a cute little bag, and Cow is on her way, the Glow of having her day Lightened and Brightened by the Personal Attention of this BM only slightly dimmed by the hugely inflated price of $100 buckaroos just swiped through her card. Cow determined Never to Go to the Mall Again!

Fast Forward 2009--Mall: Unavoidable.

BM is still there! Same place, same question, same glowering lady in the background. "May I ask you a question?" He turns to Cow with the Beautiful Smile and the Indefinable Confidence and Assurance all Truly Beautiful People have.

This time though, Cow enters Topiary Lightwarp Speed as fast as fluttering Topiary will allow. At Warp Eleven the other end of the mall is reached, and oh no! There's ANOTHER cute cart o' stuff and Another Beautiful Man asking as she speeds by "May I ask you a question?" My God, they're multiplying!

It is a sad fact Cow has No Sales Resistance. The secret is, though, the Beautiful Men with their hand-holding have nothing on the TV store, where Cow intended to purchase a $400 tv and left with a $1600 tv. It seemed rude, and discriminatory somehow, to disagree with the nice salesman so unfortunately confined to the wheelchair, who seemed to need the sale so badly.

Moo!